Santa has blessed me with everything that I have asked for.
I even asked for an expensive digital camera, which became my favorite toy…until it broke. Santa is so generous and I irritably remember last Christmas when my naughty older brother got a Christmas present from him. If he gets one again this year, I’ll type a out a civil lawsuit against Santa and his workshop, and send it to his post-office box at Macy’s. Yet, amid my frustration with some of his work, I have always wondered how he does his job. This is how I imagine it.
First, Santa and his thousands of elves probably have finished every child’s present by Christmas Eve. This whole time, Santa had a way of knowing which kid was naughty and which kid was nice, making him the smartest psychologist in the world. His list must be over a mile long! Secondly, he readies his reindeer with red noses which most likely serve as beacon lights just like on airplanes, as natural red noses are impossible. Thirdly, he puts the billions of bags of toys on his sleigh, and his reindeer fly; I’m not sure how but we can just assume it’s magic.
Thinking about it now, there are more reasons why Santa wouldn’t exist versus why he does.
Now, Santa enters the United States. Airplanes are in the distance but he dodges them, especially the jet engines that can suck him in. He dodges the Air National Guard, avoids airport radar detection, and enters without a passport. Doesn’t that make him an illegal alien? Well, I guess that’s fine since he has never been caught. He arrives at someone’s house, but he can’t find a chimney and the doors are locked. He breaks in but the ferocious pit bulls eagerly bark at him. It’s been several minutes now and he still has to go to many other houses. Parents turn on the lights to what is happening. Papa gets out his shotgun while Momma calls the police. Santa puts his hands up as the police take him away. He gets interrogated and imprisoned while no one can bail him out. He is eventually charged with third degree burglary…
Well, by this point, you’ve been wanting to point out to me that Santa obviously doesn’t exist. Thinking about it now, there are more reasons why he wouldn’t exist versus why he does. I’ve never given a long, hard thought about Santa’s existence although I knew he wasn’t real this whole time. But just thinking about this in depth has sucked out my love for Christmas. Now I just don’t feel the effect it used to have. Talk about spoiling Christmas for myself.
Christmas shouldn’t exist at this point, right? The reason being that the concepts of presents, Christmas trees, lights, and cookies are all tied into the idea that Santa Claus exists and visits households. If Santa doesn’t exist, then such activities don’t really have a point. I have fooled myself for 18 years and it’s finally a reality. “Christmas” is frequently robbed of its first name, making it “Xmas”, and I now see it as just “mas”, short for “mass.” It’s a mass, a mass of falsehood. Go flood the stores but not because it’s Christmas, but because you want to help out business and give to others.
It’s truly sad that once every child realizes that Santa isn’t real, many of them have to change their take on him. But instead of hoping or crying over Santa, let’s be a Santa to others, even if we feel angry, jealous, or cynical about anything. It would mean not judging people based off if they are naughty and nice. As long as many presents exist for everybody, Santa shouldn’t be entirely missed.
Image credit: Hill Street Studios/Gary Kious / Blend / Learning Pictures / Universal Images Group
