Five years ago, many students noticed that social media was taking over their lives.

It is a melancholy event when students walk through the grand halls of Hawaii Baptist Academy and observe the slow zombification of those that have succumbed to social media, the dead pace of those walking through the halls while checking their status, and the groaning of those who didn’t get enough sleep because of the constant buzz of Instagram notifications. In order to prevent this, in 2011, students created a program to wean themselves off of social media. Five years have passed, and many small battles have been won.

The program at its core is a self-help support group. The group meets every other Tuesday during lunch, and members take the time to share what steps they have taken to stop social media from overtaking their lives. It was started five years ago by a concerned, social media addict. The group has about twenty students, including those that just read the Twitter feed of past meetings instead of attending the meetings.

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“I wish that I had more time and energy to avoid social media. I need to go on Pintrest to find some inspirational quotes against the evils of social media”

Junior Ryan Su

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“I decided to join the ‘program,’ so I no longer need to be subjected to the trolls on social media sites. Instead I can be subjected to trolls in real life,” says junior Ryan Su. Like many others, Su is addicted to technology and wishes to stop. “I wish that I had more time and energy to avoid social media. I need to go on Pintrest to find some inspirational quotes against the evils of social media,” says Su. He has been in the program for only three years and hopes find more online resources on how to cope with the loss of social media his life.

As one of the founding members of the group, sophomore Joshua Fujita is known as an expert in the gradual weaning off of social media. He states, “I couldn’t stop cold turkey so I decided to join the program as it seemed a lot easier to slowly stop. I always Snapchat about how I’m doing in the program to help encourage those who are struggling. I’ve cut down my screen time to about two hours a day this year. I used to spend three hours per day on Facebook before I joined the group.”

Those that would like to get help can follow the club’s Twitter (@HBAMediaAddicts) and Facebook accounts.

This article is entirely fictitious and was written as a satire.